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The Shadow Puppet and Her Chains.
Nov. 11th, 2025 06:46 pmWhen I first came back home, the world felt so grey. I walked in, and spotted my grandparents walking up to me weeping. "You look just like your mother." Those words struck me, like a bolt of the thunder.
I never wanna be like my mother. I wanna be know for myself, for this person who enjoys music. Or this girl who values her writing. I don't wanna be like my mother in any way, shape, or form. My whole life I've been a shadow of my mother. "Shes just like you, a mini you" her friends would say, as I sat there with my earbuds blasted on full volume. I am not my mother, a woman who rather replace her daughter, than love her for herself. A mother who left her odd child out, just because she looked different. I will never be that woman who was unfaithful to my father, giving other men secret glances in clubs. I refuse to be a woman who has done harm in my life, who has emotionally abused me. A woman who turned away when her daughter needed her the most.
Forever I will be me, a girl who loves her interest. A girl who would give up the world for the people she loves, even if it causes harm to her. I will forever be me. Not my mother. I am not a shadow of her, I am not a mini her. I'm nothing like her, and I will forever be repeating this to myself till death touches me.
I know shes not here to defend herself, nor is she here to fix our broken relationship. I do love her in a way, but hatred has filled my heart. And this fear will forever weigh me down, like a heavy chain. And that will forever drag me to the pits of hell, where my mother lies.
I never wanna be like my mother. I wanna be know for myself, for this person who enjoys music. Or this girl who values her writing. I don't wanna be like my mother in any way, shape, or form. My whole life I've been a shadow of my mother. "Shes just like you, a mini you" her friends would say, as I sat there with my earbuds blasted on full volume. I am not my mother, a woman who rather replace her daughter, than love her for herself. A mother who left her odd child out, just because she looked different. I will never be that woman who was unfaithful to my father, giving other men secret glances in clubs. I refuse to be a woman who has done harm in my life, who has emotionally abused me. A woman who turned away when her daughter needed her the most.
Forever I will be me, a girl who loves her interest. A girl who would give up the world for the people she loves, even if it causes harm to her. I will forever be me. Not my mother. I am not a shadow of her, I am not a mini her. I'm nothing like her, and I will forever be repeating this to myself till death touches me.
I know shes not here to defend herself, nor is she here to fix our broken relationship. I do love her in a way, but hatred has filled my heart. And this fear will forever weigh me down, like a heavy chain. And that will forever drag me to the pits of hell, where my mother lies.
The Cold Dying Cat.
Nov. 11th, 2025 06:41 pmWhile the bright sunny day continued, I sat in my room alone until my father barged into my bedroom telling me to come to the living room. I sprung up from my bed and raced to the living room where he sat me down by my grandmother.
The date was July 14, 2021 which was supposed to be a normal day for me. As I sat in the living room my father began to speak with his shaky voice, “your mother passed away.” My whole entire world stopped within seconds, I sat there not knowing what to think, simply just nodding in response. “Do you want to see her in the hospital?” he asked ever so softly, afraid that any wrong word could break me. I again nodded and headed out the door where I found myself sliding into the van , disassociating from the real world.
We made it to the building that was filled with sick,dying, and injured patients. We walked into the frigid building, where the scent of the linoleum floor of the pediatric place hit my nose. Me and my father walked into the metal box and clicked the floor where my mothers body lay. I stood there, the realization of my mothers passing slowly setting in. My thoughts were interrupted with a sudden ding, as we arrived at the floor. We raced down the long hall where I saw my brother weeping. I crept my way up to the big window where I saw my mom laying there, cord tangled around her lifeless body, tubes up her nose, and her cold body laying there. I stood there and sobbed like it was the only emotion in my body.
I was in utter dismal, I couldn’t believe my mom was really gone. I tried to fathom a sentence, or really just stupid word. All I wanted to do was scream, like a mad man looking for answers that he’ll never get. I tear my gaze away from the cold corpse and spot a chair. I stood there looking at it intently, studying every little detail about the chair. There before me this grey piece of furniture was telling me something. All the chair did was stay there, waiting for a new person to sit in it. Always there no matter the season or time period it stayed the same. Things change people change but that one chair. Maybe this was a sign that this is a big change but, I will change and be okay.
This was for my essay.
The date was July 14, 2021 which was supposed to be a normal day for me. As I sat in the living room my father began to speak with his shaky voice, “your mother passed away.” My whole entire world stopped within seconds, I sat there not knowing what to think, simply just nodding in response. “Do you want to see her in the hospital?” he asked ever so softly, afraid that any wrong word could break me. I again nodded and headed out the door where I found myself sliding into the van , disassociating from the real world.
We made it to the building that was filled with sick,dying, and injured patients. We walked into the frigid building, where the scent of the linoleum floor of the pediatric place hit my nose. Me and my father walked into the metal box and clicked the floor where my mothers body lay. I stood there, the realization of my mothers passing slowly setting in. My thoughts were interrupted with a sudden ding, as we arrived at the floor. We raced down the long hall where I saw my brother weeping. I crept my way up to the big window where I saw my mom laying there, cord tangled around her lifeless body, tubes up her nose, and her cold body laying there. I stood there and sobbed like it was the only emotion in my body.
I was in utter dismal, I couldn’t believe my mom was really gone. I tried to fathom a sentence, or really just stupid word. All I wanted to do was scream, like a mad man looking for answers that he’ll never get. I tear my gaze away from the cold corpse and spot a chair. I stood there looking at it intently, studying every little detail about the chair. There before me this grey piece of furniture was telling me something. All the chair did was stay there, waiting for a new person to sit in it. Always there no matter the season or time period it stayed the same. Things change people change but that one chair. Maybe this was a sign that this is a big change but, I will change and be okay.
This was for my essay.
Wonder Girl and Her Troubled Thoughts.
Nov. 4th, 2025 08:09 pmLately life has been so grey, like I'm in a constant loop. Life has been the same, I wake up feeling like the most miserable being, I go to school, get out of school, I pick up my sister, then we drive back home. I feel like a hamster, trapped in his cage, and always running on the wheel. I can't help but feel like I'm running from something though. My thoughts are always constant about life and the pity of death. Maybe I'm running from my thoughts, or maybe I'm running from myself. Relax, relax, relapse, relax, relapse, relapse, god I feel insane. I need to escape soon before I lose my sanity. I don't wanna be a distant memory in anyone's story, but I can't help but feel like I wasn't made to stay here long at all. The drugs aren’t helping at all, if anything the drugs make me dissociate from the earth. I don’t wanna feel like this no more, I never thought I would end up in this steep hole again.
