Pondering

I sometimes ponder about you, how your cheeky smile would make everyone’s day. How your pensive personality would make anyone’s day. I sometimes ponder about myself, who I would be if you didn’t pass. Would I still be that loud energetic girl, who’s shunned by the world. Or would I be a different person, a girl who followed every order you wanted. You were a great mother, don’t get me wrong, but you were horrid at times. Maybe if the world saw how you treated your daughter, who was different from the rest, I wonder how everyone would see you. How you tried to form me into a “normal” girl, how you made a 8 year old wash away a scar you hated because you said “its to ugly”. Yes I still grieve over you at times, but i hope you know I wish you hell.