Promises & Pomegranates

what’s with people always assuming something is about them? it pisses me off..a lot. who even says you’re that relevant in someone’s life? and even if (and when) it’s about you, what makes you think you’re so special?

anyways. i hate how i know so much and so little about music. you think i’d be the fucking pop punk know-it-all because it’s all i talk about, but i feel like i know nothing.

i hate that caring so much about music makes me feel immature. i don’t want it to be something i grow out of. but when i hear the artists i look up to talking about how after their teenage years music didn’t mean as much, i can’t help but think it’s inevitable. i get so defensive about music because it’s something i can always turn to. something that’s still there when my nose stings, or when my nails mark my palms, or when my mouth hurts from smiling. so the idea of me not caring about it enough later in life is crazy to me.

i get so defensive about music because a lot of people don’t actually care. whether they only listen because they’re bored or to show off to someone they like. i hate posers

i am SO tired of people who just gained an idea of what real music is trying to tell me i don’t know about music. you literally just found about thursday and expected me not to know them?? i put you onto chiodos, why would i not know thursday? like it genuinely makes me sick. how am i a larp but you were listening to phonk just last year?? i’m getting that ache in my jaw that i always get when i’m angry. now it’s in my shoulder ugh

why would i not know about music when it’s all that i got?

hit me, knock me out, and let me go back to sleep.

today was okay. there was good and bad, to balance each other out. do you know that feeling when too much good is happening and you *know* something bad is going to happen next? terrible

practice today was kinda sucky. for the first part, i was playing with my friends and the team captain. soo basically practice consists of stretching then playing 'catch' with the birdie. its not really catch but i have no idea what else to call it. see, the idea of catch USUALLY consists of passing something to another person..not spiking said thing towards the ground. so if this concept is familiar to someone who hasn't played a sport since they were six, you would think the fucking team captain would understand it? wrong. so stupid. i stopped playing with them to play with sincerelyloveme, not that it was much better... we both did a bad job today

after practice, i opened up my phone to see that i got a 21/21 on my gov quiz. it brought my D up to a C- which is crazy because getting my grade that high after starting the quarter with a 9% is nearly impossible. thats also one of my highest gov test grades which made me super happy. its also getting warm outside. it feels good until im walking home sweaty and swatting away bugs that are too excited to land on me.

but, i also found out one of my friends supposedly has a crush on me? which is weird because i literally talk to him about OTHER guys all the time. he knows i don't like him like that, so why would he like me? i guess we'll never know because im never going to ask. i wish i could read minds

i haven't felt good with words in a while, maybe i'll feel like writing something dramatic soon.

xoxo

a